Wii are the world, Wii are the children

Nintendo unveiled the official name of its next-generation console yesterday. Long known by its code name, the Revolution, it will now be called the Wii. Pronounced “we.” Or, if you prefer, “wheeeeee!” As in, “Wii think this sounds dumb.” The idea is that the “we” sound represents the spirit of social, interactive gaming. Also, it’s supposed to be distinctive. I don’t know how a homonym of a pronoun is supposed to be distinctive, but maybe that’s why I don’t work for Nintendo. It would seem that Nintendo executives are amazed that when you take a common word and respell it, it still sounds the same, but is spelled differently. Mind-blowing. This is what happens when you let businesspeople make creative decisions.

I’ve given myself a day to let it sink in. I’ve written it down and typed it out over and over. I have stared at those three letters masquerading as a word, but I cannot get it to not look ridiculous. I understand what they’re going for: something quirky that differentiates itself enough form its competitors that it seems to create its own niche or genre, so much so that it is devoid of competitors. Nintendo wants you to think of the Wii as not just another gaming console, but as an entirely different type of electronic device altogether. The problem is that you will think of it as a dumb, childish, possibly vulgar type of electronic device. Best case scenario: you think of it as trying to sidle up to Apple’s trendy gadgetry market, and much less subtly than it thinks.

When you spend so much time and money developing new technology, and, in the case of the Wii (bleh!), innovative technology that you’re trying to sell people on, you want the name to be a non-story. You want a name so effortless that it seems to not exist at all. Look at cars. Most cars have dumb names, but they’re dumb names that seem instantly to be car names, so no one notices, no one cares, and no one holds it against the car. What’s a Prius? Nobody knows; it’s not the point. It gets great gas mileage: that’s the point. But now, before Nintendo can even begin to convince you to buy its console over Sony’s or Microsoft’s because of its new control interface, it must first convince you to come to terms with the name “Wii.” They will have to convince you to take their name seriously and stop making sophomoric puns out of it.

The simple argument is that names of things don’t matter, but that’s inaccurate. Names of things shouldn’t matter; they only matter when they are so awkward and cumbersome that they force themselves to matter. A name cannot add any value or function to a videogame system. The only thing it can accomplish – and this is its only task – is to not make the product sounds stupid. And at this task, Wii has failed. Or is it: Wii have failed? See what I mean?